Control

Control is an illusion, you infantile ego-maniac. Nobody knows what's gonna happen next: not on a freeway, not in an airplane, not inside our own bodies and certainly not on a racetrack with 40 other infantile egomaniacs.

-Dr. Claire Lewicki (Nicole Kidman) to Cole Trickle (Tom Cruise) from the movie "Days of Thunder"

So this might not be the greatest bit of dialog ever written, but it says a whole lot about life...

Less than a week ago, I heard that my senior year bible study teacher from youth group had fallen ill and was on his death bed. Today, I found out he went to be with the Lord.

How could this be? I had just seen him at church a little more than a month ago. He responded to me a little while before that letting me know he couldn't make it out to the TOM Film Festival because he was still in Korea. Just a few months before that, we talked on the phone about getting all of our class guys together for dinner.

Twelve years ago, I had my closest run-in with death happened when my mom passed away from cancer. And though I haven't had death come any closer than that, within the past year, a string of near fatal experiences affecting people I know has rattled me to the bone.

Life is truly fragile. Control is definitely an illusion. At least for us it is.

I've been working so hard this past year trying to sell a screenplay and improve as a writer. I have taken ownership of this burden perhaps a little too much, letting this desire be the driving force in my life for quite a while.

And more recently, in light of God showing me some major flaws that needed fixing, I've been working equally as hard trying to build my character.

But with all the work I'm doing to make tomorrow better than today, my life can end at any moment...

I don't mean to sound morbid, but it really does put things in perspective.

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song called "The Next 5 Minutes" with the words "I'm living the NEXT 5 minutes, like these are my LAST 5 minutes, 'cause I know the next 5 minutes maybe ALL I HAVE."

If I lived my life that way, what would truly matter?

I can't exactly say, but I think I might have an idea -- It would be about who I love and who loves me, and showing that love in action as much as possible...

Paul, you were an amazing bible study teacher and a great older brother. Thank you so much for all the lessons, the meals, for opening up your house so we could have those senior-guy sleepovers, for keeping in touch with us years after your teaching responsibilities had ended, and for so much more. You showed me a small glimpse into the love of Christ through your constant generosity and caring. You will be missed.

I'm reminded again at how precious the grace of God is, that we might be forgiven and have the opportunity to be with Him forever.

Goodbye, Paul...